If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
