i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize