Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
