history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
