I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
