is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
