At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
