so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
