I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
