I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I supernannyed him into submission
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
