I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Is it penis luge time yet?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
