Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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