he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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