dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
