yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
