Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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