It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
