member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
