we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
