I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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