; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
