Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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