He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
