i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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