a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
