This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
