I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
