Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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