I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
