so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
