She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you never un-have a 4some
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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