it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
