as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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