I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
