Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
