Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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