is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
