Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
