I'm so fucking centered right now
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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