Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
