he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
