i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
