Moan for me like Helen Keller
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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