Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
