I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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