He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
