There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
