By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
