5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
