oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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