Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
