twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
