My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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