Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
