nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
