i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
