Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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