i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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