so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
