you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
