I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
im on a boat
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