The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize