I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
