y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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