maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
