I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
