I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
