dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
