is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
