He kissed a someone with a penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
