plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're a waste of cheezeits
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
