she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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