All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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