So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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