I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
