I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
